Introducing… Captain Obvious
No. 1 Son: “A walkie talkie is used for walking and talking.”
Quote of the Day
No. 1 Son: “I’m ignoring you even though I’m looking at you.”
Yeah, right…
Because Mom is Old
No. 2 Son: “Mom did you have to do lots of chores when you were young?”
Mom: “Yes, I did.”
No. 2 Son: “That’s because you were closer to the pioneer times. In pioneer times, they had to do lots of chores.”
Misheard Lyrics, Spoken Word Edition
No. 2 Son: “I’m having a extreme Sugar Witch Drawl.”
Mom: “Okay, now I’m seeing a woman in a pointy hat named Sugar saying “Y’all have a nice day, y’hear?” Is that really what you meant?”
No. 2 Son: “NO!!! I meant ‘sugar withdrawal’!”
Mom: “Oh… “
Mom’s Cure for Boredom
No. 1 Son: “I’m bored.”
Mom: “Go sort the laundry then.”
No. 2 Son: “See? That’s why you should never tell your parents that you’re bored. They make you do back breaking labour.”
Proof #43561
The child who hates wearing socks suddenly decides he MUST IMMEDIATELY go put some on when I mention that his toe nails need cutting. Have I mentioned that he reminds me of a born-again cat?
They Do What They’re Told
It was a typical start to a Saturday morning. The boys were up and arguing with each other while getting dressed. The volume level was increasing, and getting to the point where Parental Intercession would be necessary.
Malcolm called them: “BOYS!”
“What?”, came the reply.
“GET IN HERE!” he said in his most forceful “You’re In Trouble Now” voice.
They filed into the room and stood next to the bed.
“You,” said Malcolm, pointing slightly to the right of No. 1 Son . “Move over here. And you,” he said, pointing at the younger boy, “move over here” slightly to the left of his brother.
As they moved into their assigned positions, I braced myself for the Stern Talking To the children were about to receive.
“Kneel down on the floor,” came the next command, and I thought to myself “What the…???”
The boys dutifully knelt down, knowing that the Wrath of Dad was upon them.
“Put your foreheads down on the floor.” I shot him a half-puzzled look. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye.
“Say: ‘We’re not worthy!'”
I collapsed in convulsive laughter as small voices repeated the phrase in unison “We’re not worthy!”
Wiping tears from my eyes, I looked back at my husband and said “You just know that they’re going to choose the dirtiest, most rodent infested old age home for you, don’t you?”
Occupy “Protester-in-Training”
No. 2 Son: “I’m so ANGRY! I’m going to show Mommy my butt!”
We’ll have to Work on Those Levitation Skills
I asked No. 1 Son to help me clean up the livingroom, in preparation for guests coming over on Sunday. There was a piece of a wooden pizza toy on the floor – a disc with a picture of a mushroom. I asked him to pick it up and take it upstairs.
He stood over it, and stretched his arm out, his fingers curled claw shaped: “Must. Pick. Up. MUST. PICK. UP.”
The disc didn’t move.
The Force is not strong with this one…
My Morning Smile
No. 2 Son: “Mom, I think I should make some beautiful jewellery for you today. I haven’t made any beautiful jewellery for you in a while.”
